Ketanji Brown Jackson Bravely Infiltrates Shadowy Alt-Right Group

Melania Wishes She Could Get Divorced Just by Thinking About It

Benedict Arnold Wishes He Had Had Special Master

F.B.I. Believes MyPillow Guy Committed Crimes Beyond Selling Shitty Pillows

Putin Says He Is Losing War in Ukraine Because F.B.I. Seized Stuff He Needed

Lindsey Graham Warns Biden’s Pro-Democracy Rhetoric Could Lead to Voting in the Streets

Dr. Oz Claims That Eating Classified Documents Was Essential to Trump’s Healthy Diet

Trump Enraged After Drunken Giuliani Calls Wyoming Vote Rigged and Demands Recount

Trump Dismisses Fears That He’d Build Nukes: “I Couldn’t Even Build a Wall”

Justice Department Urges Trump to Hire Alex Jones’ Lawyers

Kansas Republicans Face Dark Future in State Where Women Have Rights

Mitch McConnell Expels Joe Manchin from Republican Party

Hawley Concerned That Being a Coward Is Overshadowing His Work as a Fascist

Bannon’s Lawyers Argue That Imprisoning Him Would Be Cruel and Unusual Punishment for Other Prisoner

Marjorie Taylor Greene Accuses Webb Telescope of Making New Galaxies Available to Jewish Lasers

Steve Bannon Claims He Spent January 6th Washing His Hair

Tucker Carlson Accuses Biden of Lowering Gas Prices

Trump Denies Ever Knowing Ketchup

Women Declare Themselves Corporations to Force Supreme Court to Grant Them Rights as People

Trump Claims Ketchup Would Never Have Hit Wall if Giuliani Had Not Ducked