By Andy Borowitz | The New Yorker
April 4, 2023
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Rep. Matt Gaetz announced that he has decided to stop payment on several checks he wrote to a variety of payees.
Gaetz, who appeared panicky and sweaty while talking to reporters, refused to reveal the identity of the payees, but said that he came to the stop-payment decision in the middle of Tuesday afternoon.
“In the past few days, I issued payments for, uh, a variety of antique birdhouses, which I have been collecting for many years,” the congressman said. “But now, on reflection, I realize I have way too many birdhouses. I am freaking lousy with birdhouses. That’s what those checks I wrote were for—unnecessary birdhouses.”
“Sometimes you make a decision that you think is going to turn out all right, and then you find out, no, it’s not going to,” he said. “God, I just hope I’m not too late.”