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Ginni Thomas to Be Listed on New York Stock Exchange

By Andy Borowitz | The New Yorker

May 5, 2023

Photograph by Chip Somodevilla / Getty
Photograph by Chip Somodevilla / Getty

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Capping several quarters of robust profit growth, Ginni Thomas has announced that she will be listed on the New York Stock Exchange.

Investors are expected to snap up shares in Thomas, who is believed to be the first spouse of a Supreme Court Justice also to be a major corporation.

Harland Dorrinson, an analyst with Morgan Stanley, rated Thomas as a “strong buy,” telling CNBC, “I’m urging institutional investors to get out of the banking sector and into Ginni. Unlike the banks, Ginni doesn’t have to disclose where her revenue comes from.”

He said that Mrs. Thomas’s listing on the N.Y.S.E. was a “cause for celebration” for all investors. “Billionaires have been buying and selling Ginni Thomas for years,” he said. “This will make it possible for smaller investors to get in on the action.”

Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.



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