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Skeptics Question Whether Pence Has More to Offer Than Raw Sexual Magnetism

By Andy Borowitz | The New Yorker

June 5, 2023

Photograph by Megan Varner / Getty
Photograph by Megan Varner / Getty

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—As Mike Pence prepares to announce his bid for the Presidency, political insiders are questioning whether he has more to offer the nation than unbridled sexual magnetism.

For years, the former Vice-President has wisely refused to dine alone with any woman other than his wife, fearing the havoc that his overpowering pheromones could wreak.

But now, as he hopes to convince voters to elect him leader of the free world, he risks being perceived as little more than a smoldering slice of beefcake.

“Whenever Mike Pence gives a speech, his crackling sexual energy is so palpable that all the women in the audience and a goodly number of men swoon,” Davis Logsdon, who teaches political science at the University of Minnesota, said. “But is that what people want in a President?”

“Sex sells,” he added, “but Mike Pence might just be too smokin’ for the White House.”

Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.



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