By Andy Borowitz | The New Yorker
June 26, 2023
PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—GThe situation in Russia descended into further uncertainty after Kari Lake stunned geopolitical experts by declaring herself the new leader of the Wagner Group.
Speaking from the mercenary force’s new headquarters in Phoenix, Arizona, the former anchorwoman claimed that she won the leadership of Wagner by a landslide.
She warned Russian state media against questioning her claim to the Wagner helm. “I will be your worst frickin’ nightmare,” she said.
Wagner troops expressed surprise at Lake’s sudden elevation and reservations about whether she would be an improvement over their former leader, Yevgeny Prigozhin. “She seems really mean,” one said.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.