Andy Borowitz 9/10

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"All the latest gossip,

All the latest rhyme."

—Bob Dylan

November 29, 2025

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Majority of Americans Say This Is Their Favorite Impeachment of Trump

Majority of Americans Say This Is Their Favorite Impeachment of Trump

Majority of Americans Say This Is Their Favorite Impeachment of Trump

The Borowitz Report from NewYorker.com

Jan 12, 2021

Georgia Secretary of State Blocks Caller After Receiving Unhinged Threats

Georgia Secretary of State Blocks Caller After Receiving Unhinged Threats

Georgia Secretary of State Blocks Caller After Receiving Unhinged Threats

The Borowitz Report from NewYorker.com

Jan 5, 2021

Letter From the Outgoing Queen

Letter From the Outgoing Queen

Letter From the Outgoing Queen

The Borowitz Report from NewYorker.com

Dec 30, 2020

Pence Worries That Sight of Bare Arm Will Make Him Irresistible to Women

Pence Worries That Sight of Bare Arm Will Make Him Irresistible to Women

Pence Worries That Sight of Bare Arm Will Make Him Irresistible to Women

The Borowitz Report from NewYorker.com

Dec 20, 2020

Trump Attempts to Fire Amy Coney Barrett

Trump Attempts to Fire Amy Coney Barrett

Trump Attempts to Fire Amy Coney Barrett

The Borowitz Report from NewYorker.com

Dec 10, 2020

Barr Begs Trump Not to Let One Incident of Honesty Wipe Out Two Years of Lying

Barr Begs Trump Not to Let One Incident of Honesty Wipe Out Two Years of Lying

Barr Begs Trump Not to Let One Incident of Honesty Wipe Out Two Years of Lying

The Borowitz Report from NewYorker.com

Dec 3, 2020

Man Refuses to Leave Job He Hates

Man Refuses to Leave Job He Hates

Man Refuses to Leave Job He Hates

The Borowitz Report from NewYorker.com

Nov 19, 2020

Fauci Excited to Have Someone to Talk To

Fauci Excited to Have Someone to Talk To

Fauci Excited to Have Someone to Talk To

The Borowitz Report from NewYorker.com

Nov 10, 2020

Trump Asks Supreme Court to Rule That Wisconsin Is Not a State

Trump Asks Supreme Court to Rule That Wisconsin Is Not a State

Trump Asks Supreme Court to Rule That Wisconsin Is Not a State

The Borowitz Report from NewYorker.com

Nov 5, 2020

Kavanaugh Supports Cutoff For Vote-Counting But Not for Drinking

Kavanaugh Supports Cutoff For Vote-Counting But Not for Drinking

Kavanaugh Supports Cutoff For Vote-Counting But Not for Drinking

The Borowitz Report from NewYorker.com

Oct 29, 2020

Americans Favor Continuing to Mute Trump After Debate

Americans Favor Continuing to Mute Trump After Debate

Americans Favor Continuing to Mute Trump After Debate

The Borowitz Report from NewYorker.com

Oct 22, 2020

Amy Coney Barrett Refuses to Tell Kavanaugh Which Beer She Prefers in Supreme Court Fridge

Amy Coney Barrett Refuses to Tell Kavanaugh Which Beer She Prefers in Supreme Court Fridge

Amy Coney Barrett Refuses to Tell Kavanaugh Which Beer She Prefers in Supreme Court Fridge

The Borowitz Report from NewYorker.com

Oct 15, 2020

Ben Carson Wondering Where Everyone at White House Has Gone

Ben Carson Wondering Where Everyone at White House Has Gone

Ben Carson Wondering Where Everyone at White House Has Gone

The Borowitz Report from NewYorker.com

Oct 8, 2020

Rule Change for Second Debate Forbids Trump from Attending

Rule Change for Second Debate Forbids Trump from Attending

Rule Change for Second Debate Forbids Trump from Attending

The Borowitz Report from NewYorker.com

Oct 1, 2020

Obama Proposes Cancelling White House’s Cable to Get Trump to Leave

Obama Proposes Cancelling White House’s Cable to Get Trump to Leave

Obama Proposes Cancelling White House’s Cable to Get Trump to Leave

The Borowitz Report from NewYorker.com

Sep 25, 2020

Amazon Prime Offers to Aid Peaceful Transfer of Power by Shipping Trump Out in Twenty-four Hours

Amazon Prime Offers to Aid Peaceful Transfer of Power by Shipping Trump Out in Twenty-four Hours

Amazon Prime Offers to Aid Peaceful Transfer of Power by Shipping Trump Out in Twenty-four Hours

The Borowitz Report from NewYorker.com

Sep 24, 2020

Trump Accuses Biden of Using Performance-Enhancing Books

Trump Accuses Biden of Using Performance-Enhancing Books

Trump Accuses Biden of Using Performance-Enhancing Books

The Borowitz Report from NewYorker.com

Sep 17, 2020

Trump’s Agreeing to Talk to Woodward Shows Downside of Never Having Read a Book in Entire Life

Trump’s Agreeing to Talk to Woodward Shows Downside of Never Having Read a Book in Entire Life

Trump’s Agreeing to Talk to Woodward Shows Downside of Never Having Read a Book in Entire Life

The Borowitz Report from NewYorker.com

Sep 10, 2020

Trump Claims Sleepy Person With No Energy Will Be Peppy Enough to Destroy Entire Country

Trump Claims Sleepy Person With No Energy Will Be Peppy Enough to Destroy Entire Country

Trump Claims Sleepy Person With No Energy Will Be Peppy Enough to Destroy Entire Country

The Borowitz Report from NewYorker.com

Sep 3, 2020

Hundreds of R.N.C. Attendees Test Positive for Delusion

Hundreds of R.N.C. Attendees Test Positive for Delusion

Hundreds of R.N.C. Attendees Test Positive for Delusion

The Borowitz Report from NewYorker.com

Aug 27, 2020

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