October 12, 2022
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A Connecticut jury’s imposition of a billion-dollar penalty on Alex Jones will have a “chilling effect on lying,” Tucker Carlson warned.
Choking back tears as he delivered his commentary, the Fox News host said that the jury’s decision “was no more and no less than a direct attack on the lying life style.”
“For those of us who make our living by spreading falsehoods, baseless conspiracy theories, and extremist fever dreams, this is a time to be afraid,” he said. “Very afraid.”
“I think I speak for many Fox viewers when I say I don’t want to live under a tyranny of facts,” he added.
Carlson’s concerns about the impact of the jury’s decision on the mendacity profession found support on Capitol Hill from Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene.
“I want to say that the jury was manipulated by mind-control rays beamed down from the Rothschild family’s satellites, but now I can’t afford to,” she said.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.