July 8, 2021
PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—Claiming that he has been “treated very unfairly,” Donald Trump is suing eighty-one million American voters for banning him from the White House.
“This was all part of a Big Tech conspiracy,” he said. “Many of these eighty-one million people were users of Facebook, Twitter, and TicketyTock.”
Trump called the decision by eighty-one million people to ban him from the White House “a bad thing. A very bad thing.”
“This would mean that it’s up to millions of Americans to decide who gets to use the White House and who doesn’t,” he said. “This should never be allowed to happen in this country.”
The lawsuit was delayed for several weeks, sources said, while Trump sought to determine which, if any, of his attorneys still had a law license.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.