November 28, 2022
PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump revealed that he did not know the identity of a recent dining companion at Mar-a-Lago because of the white hood his guest was wearing.
“The guy shows up in a white hood, and I thought, That’s some kind of wacko,” Trump said. “I thought since he was a friend of Ye’s maybe it was some weird new fashion Ye was trying to sell. He’s been dropped by a lot of companies and has been treated very unfairly.”
“Then I thought, Is this Mike Lindell?” Trump continued. “He’s the MyPillow guy, but he sells things besides pillows, like sheets. And he’s kind of a joker. Mike is a lot of fun, but the press doesn’t report that. They’ve been very nasty to him.”
“Whoever it was, I didn’t think it was very smart to be wearing white to dinner with me,” he added. “When I eat, a lot of ketchup goes flying. Who would wear a white hood when they know they’re going to get hit by ketchup? Only a wacko or a joker. Anyway, he didn’t get any ketchup on the hood, so everything was fine.”
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.