March 14, 2022
PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump has reached out to Vladimir Putin to help Russia file for bankruptcy, the former U.S. President has confirmed.
Calling the Russian economy “in very, very bad, terrible shape” as a result of Western sanctions, Trump said that bankruptcy was “quite frankly” Putin’s only option.
“Bankruptcy is scary the first time you do it,” Trump said. “But once you’ve done it five or six times it’s the easiest and most beautiful thing in the world.”
Trump said that “the first thing Putin should do is stop paying his bills, and that’s something I can show him how to do.”
The former President also offered to send his son-in-law, Jared Kushner, to Moscow to advise the Russian Federation on bankruptcy.
“No one can get you into bankruptcy faster than Jared,” Trump boasted.