July 1, 2020
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump may not have read a Presidential Daily Brief on the Russian bounty scheme because he holds reading material upside down, experts suggested on Wednesday.
After studying photographic evidence of Trump holding a book in that difficult-to-read position, Davis Logsdon, who studies literacy at the University of Minnesota, said that such a practice could have impeded the President’s ability to process information on his desk.
“If Trump is holding all of his Presidential Daily Briefs upside down, what is intended to be important intelligence requiring his urgent attention might, to him, appear to be little more than meaningless marks on a piece of paper,” Logsdon said.
Within minutes of the release of Logsdon’s comments, the White House scrambled to institute new procedures to insure that Trump’s Presidential Daily Briefs are placed right-side up on his Oval Office desk.
Reportedly, Jared Kushner will be tasked with entering Trump’s office first thing every morning and rotating all of the papers on his desk until they are in the optimal position for reading.
Some White House sources, however, expressed skepticism about the new protocol. “It relies on Jared knowing when reading material is upside down,” one source said.