February 23, 2022
PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—In what appears to be a rift between two long-standing political partners, Donald J. Trump has blasted Vladimir Putin for being “too distracted” by the situation in Ukraine to help him with his 2024 campaign for President.
“He gave a long speech the other night, and was going on and on about Ukraine and didn’t mention me once,” Trump said. “This should never be allowed to happen in this country.”
Calling Putin “too low-energy” to deal with Ukraine and the 2024 U.S. election at the same time, Trump said that his erstwhile ally had “priorities that are very, very bad.”
“He’s spending all his time spreading disinformation about Ukraine when he could be spreading disinformation about Sleepy Joe Biden,” Trump said. “Quite frankly, Vladimir Putin is a disgrace.”
Trump revealed that he had called the Russian President several times in recent days but that his calls went straight to voice mail.
“When I was President, I could’ve spent all my time invading Canada, but I always took his calls,” Trump said.