June 29, 2022
PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—In his latest denunciation of the former White House aide Cassidy Hutchinson’s testimony to the January 6th committee, Donald J. Trump has denied ever knowing ketchup.
“This business about me using ketchup is a lie, and Wacko Cassidy knows it,” Trump wrote on his social network, Truth Social. “I have never worked with ketchup, and I don’t know ketchup.”
“Ketchup is for losers,” he added.
Trump issued a list of his favorite condiments, notably omitting any mention of the popular tomato-based sauce.
“I’ve used mustard, I’ve used mayonnaise, and at times I’ve used A-1 stake [sic] sauce,” he wrote. “Using ketchup is a disgrace, and it should never be allowed to happen in our country.”