June 28, 2022
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Disputing Cassidy Hutchinson’s testimony before the January 6th committee, Donald J. Trump claimed that ketchup would never have wound up dripping down the Oval Office wall if Rudy Giuliani had not ducked.
“Lyin’ Cassidy said that I threw my lunch at the wall,” Trump wrote on his social network, Truth Social. “I actually threw it at Rudy Giuliani, and he ducked.”
“It was a perfect throw,” he boasted.
Trump said that, had the former New York mayor not ducked, “ketchup would have been dripping down Rudy’s head like his hair die [sic] does.”
Trump expressed some surprise that Giuliani was able to evade the flying lunch. “When you consider how bombed he was, the guy had incredible reflexes,” the former President observed.