October 5, 2021
PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—Lambasting Forbes for dropping him from its list of the four hundred richest Americans, Donald J. Trump claimed that the magazine did not take into account what he called “secret rubles.”
“Let’s say someone has been receiving payments of billions of rubles for four years, and they’re buried in a vault under the Kremlin,” Trump said. “Those losers at Forbes wouldn’t begin to know how to count those kinds of rubles.”
Claiming that he has been “treated very unfairly” by the magazine, he said, “This should never be allowed to happen in our country.”
He scoffed at the Amazon founder Jeff Bezos’s status as first on Forbes’s list. “If you count rubles, Trump is a triple Bezos,” he said.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.