December 5, 2022
PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump clarified his call for the termination of the United States Constitution by indicating that he would abolish the entire document except for the Fifth Amendment.
“I haven’t read the Constitution, but, from what I’ve been told, most of it is a waste of paper, quite frankly,” he told the One America News Network. “The Fifth Amendment is the only part worth saving.”
Trump said that the Fifth Amendment was “maybe the most beautiful amendment ever written,” and noted that he had used it “many, many times.”
“When I left office, I took a lot of documents with me, but I had no interest in taking the Constitution,” he said. “If I could have cut the Fifth Amendment out of the Constitution and put it in my pocket, I would have done that, but the rest of it was written by a bunch of dummies. A bunch of dummies.”
Republican leaders were noticeably silent on the former President’s latest remarks, except for Representative Kevin McCarthy, who said, “Hunter Biden’s laptop.”
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.