September 13, 2021
PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—In a blistering attack on another former Commander-in-Chief, Donald J. Trump called George W. Bush “ungrateful,” telling reporters, “I kept him from being the worst President in history.”
“When he left office, he was at the bottom of the list of Presidents—I mean, the very, very bottom,” he said. “Then I got into office and changed all that.”
“I worked hard, day in, day out, to keep Bush from being the worst,” he said. “He’s given me no credit for that whatsoever. This should never be allowed to happen in this country.”
Despite doing Bush “this incredible favor,” Trump said, “I have never got so much as a thank-you note from that ungrateful bastard. I don’t know, maybe he’s too busy with his so-called paintings to write.”
Trump called Bush’s warnings about domestic terrorism during a speech on the twentieth anniversary of 9/11 “totally out of line.” He added, “When he was President, there were terrorists all over the world. I brought terrorism jobs back to the U.S.A.”
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.