March 15, 2021
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Calling the $1.9 trillion American Rescue Plan “a fever dream of the cancel-culture crew,” Senator Ted Cruz accused Democrats of a “politically correct plot to cancel poverty.”
“Poverty has been a part of American life since this country was founded, in 1776, but that apparently means nothing to the Democrat Cancel Culture Gang,” Cruz said. “In their intolerant view, poverty is somehow no longer appropriate.”
He warned that, far from being Democrats’ ultimate goal, “cancelling poverty is just the beginning.”
“If you read the fine print, they also want to cancel hunger and homelessness,” he said. “And, if you’re used to living without health insurance, sorry—that’s yet another American tradition they want to cancel.”
“We should have seen this coming,” he added. “First they came for Mr. Potato Head.”
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.