June 9, 2021
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Senator Susan Collins said that she is “a little bit sad” to see Senator Joe Manchin replace her as the nation’s most annoying senator.
“For years, I’ve been the most aggravating person in this legislative chamber, and I’ve enjoyed every minute of it,” she said. “Still, if an obscure senator from Maine can’t wield outsized power anymore, it’s only fitting that the baton be passed to an obscure senator from West Virginia.”
Asked to remember a particularly gratifying moment from her long reign of irritation, Collins said, “It would have to be when I kept everyone guessing about how I’d vote on Kavanaugh. Those were good times.”
In an official response to her remarks, Manchin said, “I’ve been a big fan of Susan Collins’s work as a vexing time-waster for as long as I can remember. In terms of being infuriating, she has set the bar very, very high for me.”