October 1, 2020
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a rule change announced on Thursday, the Commission on Presidential Debates said that Donald J. Trump will not be permitted to attend the second debate.
“We took a look at the first debate and decided that we needed to tweak the format a bit,” Harland Dorrinson, a spokesperson for the commission, said. “We think this rule change fixes everything.”
Anticipating criticism that a debate must have at least two participants, the spokesperson said, “There will be, if you count the moderator.”
To enforce the rule change, the commission will post a photo of Trump at security, but Dorrinson said that he hoped that such a measure would not be necessary.
“If President Trump is listening, we are asking him to stand back, but don’t stand by,” he said.