May 31, 2022
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a chorus of derision, leading Republicans ripped the Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s proposed freeze on handgun sales as an “insane” and “illogical” response to gun violence.
“With all due respect, Prime Minister Trudeau’s so-called solution to gun violence is misguided, at best,” Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell said. “There is no verifiable link between guns and shooting.”
The governor of Texas, Greg Abbott, shared McConnell’s view. “Canada’s solution to gun violence ignores the fact that people who shoot people inside buildings first have to enter those buildings,” he said. “The problem isn’t guns—it’s doors.”
Senator Ted Cruz, also of Texas, could barely contain his contempt for Trudeau’s plan. “So Trudeau thinks that you can reduce gun violence by reducing the number of guns?” Cruz said. “Earth to Justin!”