April 20, 2021
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a chorus of outrage directed at the President, Republicans accused Joe Biden of making millions of Americans’ arms hurt in his first hundred days in office.
Leading the attack was Senator Ron Johnson, who claimed that Biden was hurting “between three and four million arms a day.”
“Once your arm stops hurting, don’t get too comfortable,” he said. “In a few weeks, Joe Biden will make your arm hurt for a second time.”
Johnson did not speculate about why the President wanted Americans’ arms to hurt, but said that Biden bears “full responsibility” for the nation’s epidemic of sore arms.
“None of this would be happening if Donald Trump was President,” he charged.