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Rand Paul Claims Biden’s Infrastructure Plan Infringes on Bridges’ Right to Crumble

April 5, 2021

Photograph by Josh Edelson / AFP / Getty
Photograph by Josh Edelson / AFP / Getty

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Senator Rand Paul said that he is opposing President Joe Biden’s infrastructure plan because it “infringes on bridges’ constitutional right to crumble.”

“Decay, deterioration, and collapse are all a part of the natural process of entropy,” Paul said. “It is not the job of government to play God and interfere with that.”

Warning of the “slippery slope of government overreach,” Paul said that the Biden plan is “threatening our infrastructure’s precious freedom to disintegrate.”

“First they came for our bridges, then they came for our potholes, and then they came for our lead water pipes,” he said.

The Kentucky senator’s comments drew support from an unlikely ally, Dr. Anthony Fauci. “Look, I was just glad to see Rand talking about something besides the pandemic,” Fauci said.

Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.

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