February 2, 2022
MOSCOW (The Borowitz Report)—Offering the diplomatic community a new rationale for his recent actions, Vladimir Putin said that he deserves Ukraine as consolation for losing the White House in 2020.
“Losing control of the most powerful nation on earth was a bitter pill for me to swallow, to say the least,” the Russian President said. “Giving me Ukraine would make things somewhat better.”
“It’s only fair,” he continued.
At the White House, President Biden called Putin’s logic “unacceptable,” but added, “At least he admits he lost.”