July 12, 2021
PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—Neighbors of Donald J. Trump said that they have seen him check the mailbox in front of his house “multiple times a day” while waiting for what he called his “reinstatement notice” to come.
Mel and Tracy Klugian, who have lived next door to Mar-a-Lago for the past twenty-seven years, said that Trump starts checking the mailbox first thing in the morning, sometimes dressed in his bathrobe and slippers.
“I told him that the mail doesn’t come until three most days, but he just said, ‘I don’t mind waiting,’ ” Mr. Klugian said.
According to Mrs. Klugian, Trump told her that his reinstatement notice could be coming “any day now,” and he doesn’t want to miss it.
“When the mail truck comes, he gets this excited look on his face,” she said. “Then he usually winds up with a bunch of Pottery Barn catalogues and whatnot, and he just trudges sadly back to the house.”
Mr. Klugian said that he sympathized with Trump because he remembered “checking the mail a lot when I first retired.”
“If you don’t have anything to do, the mail becomes kind of the high point of your day,” he said. “He has to get into gardening or volunteering. Something. He can’t go on like this.”
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.