April 26, 2022
AUSTIN (The Borowitz Report)—In his first official act since acquiring the social-media company, Elon Musk has deleted every Twitter account but his.
Minutes after the acquisition was announced, the two hundred million people who had Twitter accounts found that they could no longer tweet, and that the Tesla C.E.O.’s tweets were the only ones that appeared on the site.
In an official statement, Musk said that he deleted everyone else’s accounts to address “the No. 1 problem plaguing Twitter: the relentless flood of voices inferior to mine.”
The billionaire said that he would consider letting people other than himself back on Twitter “on a case-by-case basis.”
“If people can show that they have something to say that’s as smart as what I’ve got to say, they will get their accounts back,” he said. “So, not likely.”
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.