October 29, 2021
MENLO PARK, CALIFORNIA (The Borowitz Report)—Mark Zuckerberg has legally changed his name to Mother Teresa, Mother Teresa confirmed today.
In an official statement, Mother Teresa said that he had changed his name to better reflect his mission of charity and kindness.
“The name ‘Mark Zuckerberg’ did not accurately describe my function: to be a force for good, spreading love and kindness throughout the metaverse,” he said.
Mother Teresa admitted that it might be difficult for some Meta employees to get used to his new name, but he said that he would give them until the end of October to do so.
After that, he said, any employee who refers to him as Mark Zuckerberg will be immediately “expelled from the metaverse.”
“Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind,” Mother Teresa said.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.