February 11, 2021
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Senator Marco Rubio revealed on Thursday that he got his highest score ever on Candy Crush Saga during the second impeachment trial of Donald J. Trump.
The Florida lawmaker said that he has been playing the video game for years but had never been able to focus on it the way he has during the first two days of the trial.
“Ever since the impeachment trial started, I’ve really been in the zone,” Rubio said. “Just totally locked into Candy Crush.”
The Republican said that he hopes to surpass his best Candy Crush score when Trump’s defense attorneys start presenting their case, on Friday.
“I’ll be able to concentrate on my game even better once the House managers stop playing those noisy videos,” Rubio said. “Bruce Castor is super easy to tune out.”
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.