May 5, 2022
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a public appeal for help, Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh has asked if “anyone has seen” a briefcase he accidentally left at a bar late last week.
Speaking to reporters, Kavanaugh said that, after work last Friday, he dropped into a bar near the Supreme Court “to have a few pops,” and inadvertently forgot to take his briefcase when he left.
Kavanaugh, who appeared to have some difficulty reconstructing the time line of the evening, said that he arrived at the bar “around seven” and that it was “ten, maybe ten-thirty when they asked me to leave.”
The jurist was evasive when asked to describe the contents of his briefcase, saying only that it was “work papers and junk” that he would “really like to have back.”