Is Living to 100 All It’s Cracked Up to Be?
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By Dr. Nancy Fishman / Morgan Hill, Calif.
When I turned 50 many moons ago, I distinctly remember thinking that although I had lived half of my life, I still had half of it left. I suppose I was making the decision to shoot for 100. Since then I have become very clear about making it to 100. I even entertained the thought of getting OT (overtime) for additional years past 100.
Do people consciously strive to reach a certain age? Are some satisfied with 80 years while others would feel cheated if they didn’t live a full century? It’s fairly common to hear people talking about what they want to stay alive to do. Me? I want to see what my granddaughter chooses for her life. I want to dance at her wedding. I want to be a great-grandmother. How much do desires like these influence our plans to reach a certain age?
It seems reasonable to try and squeeze out every last opportunity to live life to its fullest. We have examples of this all around us. People in their 80s and 90s are taking adventure trips to exotic destinations abroad; others are camping and sleeping in yurts. There’s a 94-year-old woman living in my neighborhood who recently returned from a cross-country tour she took alone in a motorhome. You have to wonder what people in their late 90s have in mind when they renew five-year subscriptions, purchase season tickets to the opera, or buy new cars.
There was an intriguing article on February 3 by Michael S. Rosenwald in the New York Times about Virginia “Ginny“ Oliver. It caught my eye because my daughter and her family live exactly where Ginny lobster fished until she was 103 years old. Penobscot Bay, on the central coast of Maine, lost a local legend in January when she passed away at age 105. I have to wonder what kept her going!
At some point, you begin to think about the time you have left. Do I really want to have that surgery the doctor is recommending, the one that will require a long recovery? Wouldn’t I rather enjoy my precious time having fun instead of spending countless hours in rehab? As some of us consider joining the ranks of centenarians, we consider quality of life. Is the end game the number of years, or the richness of the years we have left?
People who are young, and totally unsuspecting of the insidious nature of aging, never imagine being too old to pop right up from sitting cross-legged on the floor. It never occurs to them that learning new computer skills or completing online forms could ever be intimidating.
If you don’t have your head in the sand, you must admit that the challenges older adults face at this era require some very creative avoidance techniques. I’m sure I was the last person on earth to get a computer. I thought I would die trying to learn how to use it. When my flip phone fell into the toilet, I was forced to get an Apple iPhone. Once again, I doubted I would survive the transition from raised letters to flat screens. And let’s talk about flat-screen TVs! I swear remote controls will be the death of me. My husband says that if he dies before I do, I will need “a guy” to manage all the technology in my life!
Signs of aging appear in many forms and become more and more obvious over time. When you have more age spots than flawless skin, you know you are on the road to 100. When you are going to more funerals than weddings, you can’t help but acknowledge your own mortality. When you find yourself making plans during the day to avoid driving at night, something has shifted.
I’m wondering how we make concessions in the graying years. I envision piling all my fun on one side of a scale and all my fears on the other. When my fears and physical discomfort outweigh the fun, I will take it as a sign to avoid the activities that have become too challenging. The trick is to replace those with others that are safer and more comfortable. Adding new activities can feel empowering to people whose once very active lives appear to be slipping away.
There is a popular expression about aging that most of us have heard: "Aging is not for the faint of heart.” I never knew what that meant when I was a young person, but now I sure do! I am reminded of this each sunrise when I count the number of hours I have slept, when my body feels punished because I have been eating too many inflammation-causing foods, or when I look in the bathroom mirror and a wrinkled face stares back at me.
Somewhere on my way to 100, I realized that I am the older generation now, and younger people are learning from me how to age with grace. Yikes! That thought is somewhere between awesome and scary. But when all is said and done, I am still grateful to wake up on this side of the dirt!
This column is devoted to psychological topics that speak to the human condition, such as relationships, family, love, loss, and happiness. The ideas, thoughts, philosophies, and observations expressed here are personal and not meant as professional advice. Names and identifying information have been changed to protect the privacy of real people.
Dr. Nancy Fishman moved to Santa Clara County in 2016 from Michigan, where she was a practicing psychologist. Currently, she is a strategy consultant to individuals, families, businesses, family law attorneys and their clients, working on coping, managing, reorganizing, pivoting and innovating. She is the founder of Forgotten Harvest, one of the nation’s largest food recovery operations. She is also the creator of Silicon Valley’s A La Carte food recovery and distribution initiative, and the organizer of Feeding Morgan Hill. Nancy lives on a family compound with her husband, sisters, brother-in-law, and a pack of dogs.
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