June 1, 2021
AUSTIN (The Borowitz Report)—In a video message posted on Sunday, the governor of Texas, Greg Abbott, attempted to lure Democratic lawmakers back to work by offering them free NPR tote bags.
Displaying one of the canvas bags on offer, Abbott said that it was “perfect for carrying around all your liberal needs.”
“Let’s say you want to bring a copy of Michelle Obama’s ‘Becoming’ to work, or perhaps some amazing book by Rachel Maddow,” he said. “With this limited-edition tote, you’ll be the envy of all your lib friends.”
Abbott told lawmakers that the tote bag, which comes with a “Fresh Air” mug, could be theirs, free of charge, but only if they return to work on Monday.
“Come and get it, snowflakes,” he said.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.