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Fauci Excited to Have Someone to Talk To

By Andy Borowitz

November 9, 2020

Photograph by Kevin Dietsch / Bloomberg / Getty
Photograph by Kevin Dietsch / Bloomberg / Getty

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Dr. Anthony Fauci is excited to have someone to talk to, Fauci has confirmed.

After months of having no one to talk to, Fauci said, the idea of saying something and having another person hear it is “a real kick.”

“It’s been a little lonely,” Fauci said. “I’ve been doing a lot of journaling.”

“Sometimes, I’ve found myself talking to my dog,” he added. “I think my poor dog has gotten sick of hearing my voice. I’ve been driving him a little bit nutso.”

Reflecting on his months without anyone to talk to, Fauci observed, “It wasn’t a walk in the park.” He added, “I don’t know how Scott Atlas is gonna deal with it.”

Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.

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