February 6, 2023
OUTER SPACE (The Borowitz Report)—Extraterrestrial beings have admitted surveilling the United States with high-altitude objects, but claimed that they did so only to monitor the weather.
The revelation appeared in an official statement released to the American media by an organization calling itself the Intergalactic Command Force.
“The I.C.F. has, over the past several years, launched a series of surveillance craft that have hovered over the United States,” the statement read. “We can assure you that we did this only to advance our understanding of weather conditions in your country.”
The aliens admitted that they were “surprised” that their high-altitude objects had gone undetected for so long.
“Given that the Pentagon has an annual budget of eight hundred billion dollars, we never dreamed it would take them years to notice us,” the statement read.