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Elon Musk Seething with Envy Over Attention Balloon Is Getting

February 6, 2023

Photograph by Peter Zay / Anadolu Agency / Getty
Photograph by Peter Zay / Anadolu Agency / Getty

SAN FRANCISCO (The Borowitz Report)—Elon Musk has been seething with envy over the media attention garnered by the Chinese spy balloon, the Twitter C.E.O. revealed.

“I don’t get it,” he said. “I’m super cool and interesting, and it’s just a freaking balloon. What does it even do? Just stupid balloon shit.”

“Probably, if the balloon was running Twitter, people would be willing to come into the office instead of working remotely,” he continued. “Oh, yeah, everybody just loves their precious balloon.”

Musk disclosed that the sensation the balloon has created is making him consider becoming a balloon himself.

“Only I wouldn’t be some boring balloon like that one,” he said. “Maybe I’d play music or have flashing lights, like at a rave. People would be, like, ‘Elon is such a freaking cool balloon.’ You’ll see.”

Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.



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