December 8, 2022
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump’s legal team struggled to explain how the original Declaration of Independence made its way to a storage unit leased by the former President in Queens, New York.
The lawyers informed the Justice Department that they had discovered the eighteenth-century document under a stack of hastily packed items, including several pairs of socks and the Oval Office’s television remote.
“Mr. Trump will, of course, return the Declaration of Independence to the National Archives as soon as possible,” Harland Dorrinson, one of the attorneys, said. “This seems to have been some kind of honest mistake.”
That version of events differs from one provided by a source close to the former President, who indicated that Trump had intentionally taken the Declaration of Independence in the hopes that it had a treasure map on the back.