Biden Tells Putin He Must Return His Oval Office Keys
April 14, 2021
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a phone conversation that the White House characterized as “frank,” President Biden told the Russian President, Vladimir Putin, that he had to return his Oval Office keys.
Putin, who reportedly has had the keys since 2017, was taken aback by Biden’s demand, sources said.
“Look, pal, if you want to have a summit meeting, you’re gonna have to give back the keys,” Biden reportedly told the Russian. “Those are the rules of the road.”
Despite Putin’s response, which was described as “frosty,” sources indicated that Biden refused to give ground.
“Don’t get all mopey now, champ,” Biden said. “You had a good run.”