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Biden and Zelensky Reach Agreement to Send Americans’ Four Hundred Million Guns to Ukraine

June 3, 2022

Photograph by Doug Mills / Getty
Photograph by Doug Mills / Getty

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a move that could tip the scales in the war against Russia, U.S. President Joe Biden and Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky have reached an agreement to ship Americans’ four hundred million firearms to Ukraine.

“The Second Amendment calls for a well-regulated militia necessary to secure a free state,” Biden said. “I can’t think of a better description of what’s going on in Ukraine right now.”

Zelensky said that he welcomed the transfer of armaments to Ukraine, but expressed surprise that the cache included more than twenty million assault rifles.

“We, of course, could really use weapons, because we were invaded by Russia,” he said. “But why on earth did so many Americans have them? Were they afraid of being invaded by Canada?”



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