December 18, 2020
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Calling the prospect a “nightmare scenario,” Betsy DeVos warned that President-elect Joe Biden will pick an Education Secretary with a background in education.
The outgoing Education Secretary warned that putting someone with a “pro-education bias” in her job would be like “naming a fox to be Secretary of Hens.”
“For the past four years, I have worked tirelessly to keep our schools free from education,” she said. “It deeply saddens me to think that all of my hard work will go to waste.”
Even more alarming, she said, Biden may name a “knowledgeable person” to replace her, a decision she called “disastrous.”
“In order to be impartial toward education, an Education Secretary must be as ignorant as possible,” she said. “I don’t mean to boast, but I am going to be a tough act to follow in that respect.”
In total, she said, Biden’s plans for education may be the “most radical aspect” of the Democratic Party agenda. “Forget about defunding the police,” she said. “He is talking about funding the schools.”
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.