At Wit’s End: Calling People Names
- andreasachs1
- Sep 19
- 4 min read
By Lydia Hope Wilen / New York City
At a meeting long, long ago, with a potential publisher, after Joany, my sister and co-author, pitched several ideas, the publisher asked, “Do you have children?” She explained that she wanted a book of baby names. One of us said, “Neither of us has children, but we both have names.” We got the deal. And Joany and I became onomatologists (people who study the origins, meanings and usage of names).
To publicize Name Me, I’m Yours, our first book, we were sent on a media tour, enabling us to collect enough new material for a second name book, The Perfect Name for the Perfect Baby.
Along the way, we met the Sianci family. They had a baby girl and named her Nancy Ann. She became Nancy Ann Sianci.
The Dwopp family had a boy they named Wayne. Of course, that led us to sing “Wayne Dwopp keeps falling on his head.” Can you blame us?
The Wind family named their children North, East, South and West (no, Kanye is not the father). Incidentally, Mrs. Wind’s name is Augusta.
Joseph Barr, a former mayor of Pittsburgh, named his son Clark and his daughter Candy. I guess it’s better than Crow and Iso.
We met a father who was a financial advisor. His three daughters were named Cash, Gamble and Chance. His two dogs were Stocks and Bonds.
When we were introduced to a young woman named Ilys, she proudly explained that her name is an acronym for ‘I love you so.’
A man named Aziz Izzet told us that his name is pronounced as if you were opening a bottle of soda slowly. (I bet you just tested it out by saying his name slowly.)
“A name is a blueprint of the thing we call self.” Wouldn’t it be ironic if I didn’t name the poet, Diane Ackerman, for her quote?
An old southern custom was to combine the first two names of a baby’s parents. Example: John and Martha = Jartha. It didn’t work out so well when the parents’ names were Ferdinand and Eliza = Ferdiliza.
Economist and bestselling author, Howard J. Ruff, married Kay Felt who then became Kay Felt Ruff. Probably not, since they had 13 children (although some were adopted).
George D. Bryson stopped in Louisville, Kentucky on his way to New York. At the train station, he asked for the name of the city’s leading hotel. He went to the one mentioned and when he registered, he was given the key to Room 307. Just as a lark, he asked the desk clerk if there were mail for him. He was handed a letter addressed to George D. Bryson, Room 307. It turned out that the room’s occupant before him, was another George D. Bryson from Montreal. Eventually, the two Georges met to share their amazing story with each other in person.
My own name is responsible for some memorable moments. When I’m introduced to people who are on in years, occasionally they will burst into song, “Lydia, oh Lydia, oh have you seen Lydia, Lydia the tattooed lady.” It’s from the Marx Brothers film, At the Circus.
When I was a teenager, I was an apprentice at the Ivoryton Playhouse in Connecticut. Each week there was a new play with a new cast including a star. One week the play was Time for Elizabeth starring Groucho Marx. When we were introduced and he heard my name, he didn’t sing the song. He just gave me the biggest, slyest smile I had ever seen. It was the thrill of a lifetime.
And if that weren’t enough, years later, I was invited to a party at my across-the-hall neighbor’s apartment. That’s where and when I was introduced to one of the guests, Yip Harburg. He wrote the lyrics to Lydia the Tattooed Lady. Yup! Yip! Another thrill of a lifetime.
Not all thrills when it came to my name. My name also led to humor. My grandmother had a friend named Mrs. Starkoff. For all I knew, ‘Mrs.’ was her first name. My grandmother seemed to have had several friends with that same first name.
Mrs. Starkoff was different from the others. She would talk to me as though I were a person and not a child to be ignored. She prided herself in knowing my name…sort of. If I wasn't in the room she was in, and she wanted to talk to me, she would call out, “Lydiot!” No one ever corrected her. During her visit, I was Lydiot. We all held back our laughter until she left.
Gary Null, radio show host, author and alternative medicine advocate, wanted only one of us on his radio show where we could promote our book. I lost the toss-up and wound up doing the show. Usually, when we were on a show for the first time, the announcer or host would ask how we pronounced our name: Why-len or Will-en?
Right before airtime, Gary asked me, “How do you pronounce your name, Lid-ia or Lie-dia?” I replied, “Lid-ia and I wouldn’t lie-da-ya’” Funny, right? Gary didn’t think so and the show went downhill from there. And I wouldn’t lie da ya’!
Lydia Hope Wilen began her professional career as a comedy writer on Personality, a celebrity-driven game show. Her greatest gig was her extremely successful collaboration with her late sister Joany as nonfiction bestselling authors (18 books), which led to the sisters becoming popular TV personalities. They continued as journalists (NY Daily News Sunday full-page feature, Celebrity Surveys for Cosmopolitan Magazine, cover stories for Parade Magazine) and got the opportunity to write and talent coordinate a Nickelodeon series hosted by Leonard Nimoy. The Wilens had an unusually versatile writing range from Reading Rainbow episodes, to off-color comedy skits for Dr. Ruth Westheimer’s TV show, Sexually Speaking, plus three optioned screenplays. And that's just for starters . . .