January 10, 2022
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Rep. Jim Jordan’s announcement that he is refusing to talk to the January 6th committee has sparked celebrations across the nation, as Americans express hope that the congressman’s abstention from talking becomes a sustainable trend.
In interviews from coast to coast, Americans agreed with Carol Foyler, a realtor in Missoula, Montana, who said that Jordan’s refusal to talk “seemed almost too good to be true.”
“Really, the year is off to a terrible start, with Omicron spreading like crazy and whatnot,” she said. “When I saw the thing about Jim Jordan not talking, I was, like, ‘Finally, some good news for a change.’ ”
Harland Dorrinson, an insurance adjuster in Akron, Ohio, agreed that it would be “amazing if Jim Jordan stopped talking,” but also sounded a note of caution.
“I worry a little that this is a New Year’s resolution, like going to the gym or cutting back on carbs,” Dorrinson said. “If it’s February and Jim Jordan still isn’t talking, then it’ll be time to get out the party hats.”