May 11, 2022
SAN FRANCISCO (The Borowitz Report)—In an abrupt about-face that has rocked the tech world, Elon Musk has decided to sell Twitter after it failed to make him interesting.
Speaking to reporters, Musk said he was “disappointed” that his purchase of Twitter had done nothing to change the public’s perception of him as a tedious attention hog.
“I really thought that owning Twitter would transform my image as a black hole of neediness,” he said. “Instead, it made me look desperate. And not in an interesting way.”
Musk said that the last straw was when signalling his intention to let Donald J. Trump back on Twitter failed, yet again, to make the Tesla C.E.O. interesting.
“I guess I didn’t realize that you can’t become interesting by associating with someone else who people don’t find interesting,” he said. “This whole thing has been a learning experience.”