January 13, 2022
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Declaring that “it’s time for a victory lap,” Representative Kevin McCarthy celebrated one week of being barely tolerated by his Republican colleagues.
The California congressman was unable to contain his jubilation after a week in which the G.O.P. caucus appeared to keep its profound loathing of him marginally in check.
“I’m deeply honored by the display of grudging acceptance through gritted teeth that the caucus has shown me,” he said.
The House Speaker said that, though his fellow-Republicans could vote to oust him at a moment’s notice, he has decided to “be in the now.”
“If it turns out that this week was the only week my colleagues managed not to recoil in disgust at the sight of me holding the gavel, I will have had a good run,” he said.
Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.