May 10, 2021
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—With a new Associated Press poll showing Joe Biden garnering a sixty-three-per-cent general-approval rating, Republicans are accusing the President of “artificially inflating” that number through “blatant displays of competence.”
“Joe Biden is the consummate Washington insider, and he knows how to game these polls,” Senator Rand Paul said. “If you want to get a high approval rating, all you have to do is do a job that people approve of.”
Senator Ted Cruz agreed. “Joe Biden is so desperate to have a high approval rating that he’s been using every day in office to deliver results to the American people,” he charged. “I for one find this behavior beneath contempt.”
Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene called Biden’s seventy-one-per-cent approval rating for his handling of the pandemic “a joke,” noting, “If all you care about is people liking the way you handle the pandemic, I guess you’d handle the pandemic all the livelong day. Big whoop.”
The Senate Minority Leader, Mitch McConnell, said that Biden “should take no comfort” in his high approval numbers. “When people get tired of Biden’s competence—and they will—they’ll vote Republican,” he said.