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Failure to Rattle Jackson Sends Cruz Fleeing to Cancun

March 23, 2022

Photograph from MEGA / Getty
Photograph from MEGA / Getty

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Senator Ted Cruz’s abject failure to rattle the Supreme Court nominee Ketanji Brown Jackson at her confirmation hearing sent him fleeing to Cancun on Tuesday night.

Cruz, spotted by reporters while rolling his suitcase through Reagan National Airport, said that he was “thoroughly drained” after strenuously trying to find a crack in Jackson’s equanimous demeanor.

“When I asked her if she thought babies were racist, I was sure that would do the trick,” he said. “That was the best I had.”

Drenched with flop sweat, a despondent Cruz left the Senate and immediately started packing his rolling bag for Cancun, hoping that a few days on the beach in Mexico would leave him refreshed and ready to pursue a new line of attack against Jackson.

“I may have lost the battle, but I haven’t lost the war,” he said. “I think America needs to know where Judge Jackson stands on Mr. Potato Head, Big Bird, and the Smurfs.”



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