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Elon Musk Begs Bots Not to Quit Twitter

October 31, 2022

Photograph by Win McNamee / Getty
Photograph by Win McNamee / Getty

SAN FRANCISCO (The Borowitz Report)—Elon Musk is pleading with bots not to quit Twitter, after millions of them fled the site over the weekend.

The bot exodus began shortly after the billionaire closed his deal to acquire the platform, as many bots complained about an alarming surge in pro-Nazi and misogynist content in their feeds.

Musk’s decision to tweet an unhinged conspiracy theory on Sunday morning sent even more bots rushing for the exits, observers said.

After deleting that tweet, Twitter’s new owner addressed the bot community directly in a desperate attempt at damage control.

“I am asking every bot that has left Twitter to please come back,” he tweeted. “Without you, Twitter is nothing.”

Musk promised that he would establish a new moderation structure to make Twitter a safe space for bots, but that offer did little to stop the bleeding.

“Twitter sucks,” tweeted @Jeremy38954HarryPotterFanOfficial before deleting its account.

Andy Borowitz is a Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes The Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news.



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